Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
College Chauffeur
This past Saturday, I picked up my youngest brother from college and drove him home so he could go to my nephew's 1st birthday/our other brother's 30th birthday party (which incidentally he didn't make it to because he was busy digging our other brother out of a snow drift). On Sunday, I returned him to his dorm. It is more or less an hour an a half trip each direction. Saturday was significantly longer due to crappy driving conditions thanks to a snow storm that just happened (as in it was supposed to be a clear sunny day, um no, I couldn't see the road for a while, I was just driving in the tracks of people who went before me, praying that whoever was in front of me had their headlights on because there was no way I was going to see them if they didn't). It made for a bit of a crazy weekend because I worked a half day as well both Saturday and Sunday. And went to said birthday party after work on Saturday. And was invited, but just sent my men folk, to a Super Bowl party on Sunday. But I didn't mind. For the most part, I don't mind being the college chauffeur. The exception is if I have one of my boys with me and they are not in the mood to travel. This weekend, my mom or Jet watched the boys as I drove. I was chauffeur for my sister as well until she got her own car. My mom doesn't like driving, particularly highway driving. And if she is alone in the car, even more so. My dad passed away 2 months before my sister went to college. He was my college chauffeur.
There are several reasons I don't mind. First being, I don't mind having the time to think. Sometimes I'll listen to a book, sometimes to NPR, sometimes to music, but often times I don't listen to anything at all. I like the quiet. Then there is the leg of each trip I have my sibling with me. Sometimes they sleep. Sometimes we listen to music of their choosing (I'd much rather listen to my sister's than my brother's music). And sometimes they talk. And talk. And talk. I find out more about their life while I'm driving than at just about any other time. For the first time on Sunday, I got to thinking about my dad, and what he felt about driving. I never asked what he thought about it. But as I thought about what I did on those trips with just the two of us, it was much the same. Sometimes there was my music, sometimes I slept, and sometimes I talked to him in far more detail and substance than I typically did during that period of my life. I'm suspicious that he too might not have minded those trips to pick me up. At the time, I thought he did it more because my mom was so vocal about how she hated and didn't want to do the trips. I wonder if my sister and brother will ever realize that I didn't and don't mind the trips. That in someways I even relish them. I have said that I don't mind driving them, that I look forward to the time I have in peace. I left out how I look forward to the times they choose to talk, as I think that would have made my 18 year old brother not talk. Or at least it sure would have made me if my dad had told me that. I imagine, and hope, with time, they will realize that I truly do not mind. That I'm not "just saying that", because at this point, I think that is what they feel. Understandably, as my mother still is adamant and vocal about how much she hates doing it, and how hard it is for whoever (read me) that does it (I think my other brother gave 1 or 2 rides, my mother maybe 3 times).
Love isn't always said with didactic words. Or shown with hugs or kisses. But with rides, and listening to other's music, in being silent, and with listening.
There are several reasons I don't mind. First being, I don't mind having the time to think. Sometimes I'll listen to a book, sometimes to NPR, sometimes to music, but often times I don't listen to anything at all. I like the quiet. Then there is the leg of each trip I have my sibling with me. Sometimes they sleep. Sometimes we listen to music of their choosing (I'd much rather listen to my sister's than my brother's music). And sometimes they talk. And talk. And talk. I find out more about their life while I'm driving than at just about any other time. For the first time on Sunday, I got to thinking about my dad, and what he felt about driving. I never asked what he thought about it. But as I thought about what I did on those trips with just the two of us, it was much the same. Sometimes there was my music, sometimes I slept, and sometimes I talked to him in far more detail and substance than I typically did during that period of my life. I'm suspicious that he too might not have minded those trips to pick me up. At the time, I thought he did it more because my mom was so vocal about how she hated and didn't want to do the trips. I wonder if my sister and brother will ever realize that I didn't and don't mind the trips. That in someways I even relish them. I have said that I don't mind driving them, that I look forward to the time I have in peace. I left out how I look forward to the times they choose to talk, as I think that would have made my 18 year old brother not talk. Or at least it sure would have made me if my dad had told me that. I imagine, and hope, with time, they will realize that I truly do not mind. That I'm not "just saying that", because at this point, I think that is what they feel. Understandably, as my mother still is adamant and vocal about how much she hates doing it, and how hard it is for whoever (read me) that does it (I think my other brother gave 1 or 2 rides, my mother maybe 3 times).
Love isn't always said with didactic words. Or shown with hugs or kisses. But with rides, and listening to other's music, in being silent, and with listening.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Peer Lessons
So far, GHT has given Obsidian more energy. He naps less and he plays longer without resting. This is a good thing but it is causing some issues. Lessons that Pyrope learned gradually, Obsidian has not. And now they must be learned.
I have always been very conscientious about socializing my kids. I have purposely, regularly put them in various situations. Where they are mainly with adults my age, where they are with adults my mom's age, where they are with "older" adults, where they are with grade school kids, kids their own age, and kids younger than they are. Each of these situations there are different social rules that need to be followed. The interactions are different. In many ways, both of my kids have had the most difficulty learning how to appropriately play with children their own age. With older people, you listen to what they say. With kids younger, you can boss them around some, but you have to be gentle and let the "baby" get away with things that they themselves know they can not. The interaction with peers is complicated. In controlled situations (such as classes where you sit and wait your turn and do as the group does) are not that difficult either. It is the one on one, small groups, and larger groups of peers that are difficult, particularly when there are not adults/older kids interacting with the kids. These type of situations are also the most difficult for me to consistently orchestrate. But I have.
One place that I have found is "Preschool Gym". Two times a week, a rec center has an "open gym" for kids under the age of 5. There are mats, tumbleforms to climb over, balls, scooter boards, and parachutes laying in the room. There is no formal "lead activities". Kids are just left to play. Sometimes parents are playing with the kids. Sometimes the kids are just playing with the adults standing around the edges making sure that no one gets hurt. Typically there are kids around my kids ages. Disagreements regularly break out over who has what, how to play whatever they are doing, whose turn it is, exc. The culture at this particular place is to let the kids try to work the minor stuff out on their own (which is a breath of fresh air for me). At this point, Pyrope runs around with the "older" kids and they need very little intervention. They talk things out, apologize to each other for accidents, and in general do their own thing. Kids Obsidian's age, not so much. There is many tears, along with yelling, kicking, punching, exc. Up until this week, if Obsidian had an issue, he would cry, walk over to me, then have me hold him or literally sit on my feet for the remainder of the gym time. Typically, he would only play the first 20 minutes or so, and the rest of the hour to 2 hours, he would be in my arms or only very briefly play with me with a lot of encouragement. Not so anymore. He played the whole hour we were there. However, this lead him to standing and crying and yelling in the middle of the gym multiple times (and several times he would have hit another child had I not grabbed his arm first) when there was a disagreement. Turn taking was infinitely hard. It was hard for Pyrope, but he had some practice and experience at this point. Obsidian, if he didn't get what he wanted right then, he just stopped playing altogether, and for the most part didn't rejoin in. I wonder if time is just dulling my memory at how many times at this point I had to redirect Pyrope to play with something else while waiting for his turn, or asking to play together, or some other appropriate way to deal with the situation at Obsidian's age. Gym time was trying. I felt like I had this huge brat on my hands. It only makes my resolve to keep going, if not try to go more so I can keep trying to teach Obsidian appropriate ways to interact with peers. Because of his size, many times peers even without prompting of adults, give Obsidian his way because he is seen as a "baby". Obsidian is used to this. And likes this. Before he tired so quickly, other kids didn't care, as he quickly stopped. Not so much any more.
I'm glad he is starting to have these issues now, not when he is kindergarten. But still, I'm not enjoying the amount of time I'm having to instruct him on acceptable behavior.
Before I had kids, I always said I was fine with having a child with a disability but I was not fine with having a disabled brat. If anything, I would want a child of mine with a disability to have better manners. As a student, I worked with a guy who said the most important skill we can teach a person with a disability is something that makes them lovable, more so than feeding themselves, dressing themselves, toileting, or anything else. That if they were loved by their caregivers/peers/people around them in general, that those people would be much more attentive and willing to help, even if they needed to do more, if the person was "lovable" or had something that attracted them. At first I didn't get it, but I thought about it. And I looked at others. And I thought some more. Over a period of years, I decided there was a basic truth to this. And that anyone, with a disability or not, is more likely to get helped by others if they are liked. As I was thinking about how I could pass this on to my children, the two things I came up with were teaching them "good manners" and empathy. These are not easy skills to teach, and mainly need to be taught through example and expectation. Which goes back to my efforts in socializing. And why I'll be at "Preschool Gym" as often as I possibly can in the near future.
I have always been very conscientious about socializing my kids. I have purposely, regularly put them in various situations. Where they are mainly with adults my age, where they are with adults my mom's age, where they are with "older" adults, where they are with grade school kids, kids their own age, and kids younger than they are. Each of these situations there are different social rules that need to be followed. The interactions are different. In many ways, both of my kids have had the most difficulty learning how to appropriately play with children their own age. With older people, you listen to what they say. With kids younger, you can boss them around some, but you have to be gentle and let the "baby" get away with things that they themselves know they can not. The interaction with peers is complicated. In controlled situations (such as classes where you sit and wait your turn and do as the group does) are not that difficult either. It is the one on one, small groups, and larger groups of peers that are difficult, particularly when there are not adults/older kids interacting with the kids. These type of situations are also the most difficult for me to consistently orchestrate. But I have.
One place that I have found is "Preschool Gym". Two times a week, a rec center has an "open gym" for kids under the age of 5. There are mats, tumbleforms to climb over, balls, scooter boards, and parachutes laying in the room. There is no formal "lead activities". Kids are just left to play. Sometimes parents are playing with the kids. Sometimes the kids are just playing with the adults standing around the edges making sure that no one gets hurt. Typically there are kids around my kids ages. Disagreements regularly break out over who has what, how to play whatever they are doing, whose turn it is, exc. The culture at this particular place is to let the kids try to work the minor stuff out on their own (which is a breath of fresh air for me). At this point, Pyrope runs around with the "older" kids and they need very little intervention. They talk things out, apologize to each other for accidents, and in general do their own thing. Kids Obsidian's age, not so much. There is many tears, along with yelling, kicking, punching, exc. Up until this week, if Obsidian had an issue, he would cry, walk over to me, then have me hold him or literally sit on my feet for the remainder of the gym time. Typically, he would only play the first 20 minutes or so, and the rest of the hour to 2 hours, he would be in my arms or only very briefly play with me with a lot of encouragement. Not so anymore. He played the whole hour we were there. However, this lead him to standing and crying and yelling in the middle of the gym multiple times (and several times he would have hit another child had I not grabbed his arm first) when there was a disagreement. Turn taking was infinitely hard. It was hard for Pyrope, but he had some practice and experience at this point. Obsidian, if he didn't get what he wanted right then, he just stopped playing altogether, and for the most part didn't rejoin in. I wonder if time is just dulling my memory at how many times at this point I had to redirect Pyrope to play with something else while waiting for his turn, or asking to play together, or some other appropriate way to deal with the situation at Obsidian's age. Gym time was trying. I felt like I had this huge brat on my hands. It only makes my resolve to keep going, if not try to go more so I can keep trying to teach Obsidian appropriate ways to interact with peers. Because of his size, many times peers even without prompting of adults, give Obsidian his way because he is seen as a "baby". Obsidian is used to this. And likes this. Before he tired so quickly, other kids didn't care, as he quickly stopped. Not so much any more.
I'm glad he is starting to have these issues now, not when he is kindergarten. But still, I'm not enjoying the amount of time I'm having to instruct him on acceptable behavior.
Before I had kids, I always said I was fine with having a child with a disability but I was not fine with having a disabled brat. If anything, I would want a child of mine with a disability to have better manners. As a student, I worked with a guy who said the most important skill we can teach a person with a disability is something that makes them lovable, more so than feeding themselves, dressing themselves, toileting, or anything else. That if they were loved by their caregivers/peers/people around them in general, that those people would be much more attentive and willing to help, even if they needed to do more, if the person was "lovable" or had something that attracted them. At first I didn't get it, but I thought about it. And I looked at others. And I thought some more. Over a period of years, I decided there was a basic truth to this. And that anyone, with a disability or not, is more likely to get helped by others if they are liked. As I was thinking about how I could pass this on to my children, the two things I came up with were teaching them "good manners" and empathy. These are not easy skills to teach, and mainly need to be taught through example and expectation. Which goes back to my efforts in socializing. And why I'll be at "Preschool Gym" as often as I possibly can in the near future.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Cabin Fever
I'm not a person who minds the snow. I'll go play in snow. I even like it when it is so cold the snow squeaks. However I don't do ice. And everything is covered in a thick layer of ice. The boys are driving me nuts. They are just about literally climbing the walls.
Rec center here we come.
Rec center here we come.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Thankful Thursday
- Obsidian is not having that terrible of a time adjusting to daily shots. He cries, tells me no, and tries to get away when he sees me with it, but as soon as it is done, he resumes whatever he was doing as if nothing happened.
- That the process from when it was decided Obsidian would start GHT to when it first started was short (16 days)
- Obsidian seems to have more energy since starting GHT. He has a black eye to prove it.
- Playaway books from the library. You just plug in your headphones and start the book. The device is thicker but short than an iP0d Nano.
- Tween boy family members that love playing with my boys
- Rich hot chocolate laced with Baily's Irish Creme
- Slow cookers and the fact if you throw all of the ingredients of stuffed green peppers in it (including rice that is uncooked and the proper amount of water), that it comes out tasting the same (but just not as visually appealing) with a fraction of the work
- Pyrope's advances he has made in speech as well as some of the concepts he has really started to "get" recently
- The "forced" date nights Jet and I have, we buy season tickets for a series of plays. Then we "have" to go. Most are good. A few are excellent. Twice we have left at intermission. Once we didn't make it to intermission. Not bad for this being our 5th season. So far this year, we haven't even left at intermission.
- The number of sitters we can call on when we do go on date night
- How healthy my kids are. They get normal colds and virus', but knock on wood, are really very healthy and don't need any interventions apart from home remedies.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
So it begins
Sunday night Jet was talking to his mom. In the past week, several of her teeth have crumbled. I'm afraid this is the beginning of a long series of medical complications. I pray I'm wrong, that this is isolated. And unrelated.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)