Touch-points

This time of year, many people look back over the past year or decade and reflect what has happened.  I have never been much for celebrating New Year's or making resolutions.  There are touch-points I do have a tendency to reflect on my past and make resolutions for changes or to just do things in my future.  

There are certain touch-points I have created for myself.  Days that I have thought about what my exact circumstances would be when I reached them.  Some are concrete dates and others are achievements.  My 16th birthday, graduation from college, buying my first home, the day my youngest sibling was the age I was when he was born, my wedding day, the day I had my first child, the day my youngest child moves out of my house,...  When I was diagnosed with diabetes, for whatever reason I created two touch-points in my head.  The first was when I had lived with diabetes longer than I had lived without it and the other was when I had lived with diabetes for 50 years.  Today is the day I have officially lived with diabetes longer than I have not (which isn't entirely true as I had obviously had diabetes for a while before I was diagnosed, but if you count when I've known that I have diabetes, today is the day). 

Some of my reflections are just changed that I have seen with diabetes care itself

• Glucose monitors are much improved.  My old Lifescan One Touch II meter seems archaic.  It was relatively huge.  It took 45 seconds and a much larger amount of blood.  It only came in one color, gray.  It was high tech for the time, a feature that allowed you to download it to your computer just came out and had a fairly large memory of how many readings it stored.  The cable was a  9 pt. pin cord.  The program was cumbersome.   Now I mainly use a One Touch UltraMini.  It is small.  It takes a small amount of blood.  It takes 5 seconds.  I have ones in pink, green, and blue.  It doesn't have downloading capability but I don't really want it to.  If I wanted a meter that could do that, I could easily have one.  When I'm really looking at what my blood glucose is doing, I hook up my DexCom SevenPlus (which is several improvements from the DexCom STS, and the MiniMed CGM that only my doctor could see my reading after I brought it back) continuous monitor for however long that sensor is going to work.  I get a new reading every 3 minutes (well, when it isn't having issues).
• I have gone from using as many other were at the time 2 injections a day of R and NPH.  I have used a number of different insulins (Humalog, Novalog, Ultralente (which isn't even made anymore), Lantus, and now Apidra).  I switched to multiplw daily injections then to a pump.  I'm looking at getting my 5th model of pump and nearly 12 years of using pumps.  Syringes have gotten shorter and thinner.  The number of types of infusion sets has increased many fold.
• The DCCT has announced its results and then some follow up studies.  Papers have been written on the DPT-1.
• ACE inhibitors have come on the scene.  Hopefully kidneys will be saved.

Yet, there s no cure.  Type 1 diabetes still kills.  It still steals qality of life.

I've lost an uncle to "dead in the bed" syndrome due to type 1 diabetes.  I've watched another uncle lose more and more physical health to complications of type 1.  I've watched 2 first cousins be diagnosed.  I've watched friends suffer the negative consequences.  I've made friends, some lifelong, because of the common thread of type 1.  I've listened to family, friends, acquaintences, doctors, co-workers, and others blame a person for their medical problems because they have type1.  Humans are not made to be beta cells.  The general lack of understanding of how much is involved in manging or rather living with typ 1 diabetes involves.  That type 1 diabetes is a different disease than type 2.

It is tiring.  Day afater day.  Knowing there will be no day off.  No vacation.  Ever.  The time it takes to "manage", the feeling of crap that happens with glucose swings.  That happen daily, multiple times.

Yesterday and the day before, I spent at the wake and funeral of my aunt.  She passed away unexpectedly.  She was 54.  She was 3 days short of her 33rd wedding annerversary.  She has 2 grandchildren and another on the way.  She is missed.  One minute she was tired but walking to the dinner table, 30 minutes later was was gone.  Life is precious, unpredictable, and short.

I wanted to get something to mark the day.  Something specieal for myself.  I have wanted a SLR camera since high school.  So I have saved, worked extra, and watched for sales.  And I got one.  Something to mark the day, the accomplishement.  I have survived.  I have won some battles, I have lost some.  So far, I'm winning the war.  I'm still fighting which is one of the most important points.  I now have my camera.  Later today a friend and I will go out for a drink or two.  And I will keep going.

3, not 1

2010 has not been a kind year to my mother-in-law health wise.  And the worst blow was just given.  Over the course of the year, it was found that she has 3, not 1, types of cancer.  Theoretically unrelated.  There have been 3 surgeries and 2 "procedures" this year.  Up until Tuesday, she was told all of the cancers were stage 1 and that no chemo or radiation would be needed.  At her follow up appointment from her most recent surgery that was a couple of weeks ago, she was told that this last cancer is a stage 3.  She was told that she needs chemo and hormone replacement therapy.  If she does those things, then her 3 year survival rate is 50% and her 5 year survival rate is 40%.  At this point she thinks she is going to do the chemo.

She wants to stay in her hometown for this.  She lives alone and gets very little support from my sister-in-law, her daughter.  Jet has gone up there after each surgery to care for her until she has been ready to care for herself.   We have invited her down to stay with us while she is having treatments.  We will ask again.  Jet, and my, worries are mainly concerned with how she is going to be able to make it through the chemo treatments on her own.  Having my MIL live with us would drive me crazy.  Knowing she is alone and watching Jet worry about her being alone will be worse.  Never knowing when Jet will have to leave and go take care of her will be tiring.  All of his vacation time this past year was spent taking care of her while the boys and I remained here in our home.  It is looking like next year will bring more of the same.

At this point, the main thing I can do is pray.  And remind myself

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.