Today I was changing Obsidian's diaper. A couple months ago, he had no awareness or control. Now he does, and he could be toilet trained. Except for the fact he does not want to. If you try to sit him on the potty, typically he will pee on your leg. On purpose. Punishing him for that is only limitedly useful as it has stopped the peeing on the leg, but he won't pee on the potty. He will either grab a diaper and hold it in front of him and pee or simply wait until a new diaper is put on.
As I was changing his diaper, I asked if he wanted to go to the potty. He hesitated and got a glint in his eye. I was not sure what was coming next but I knew it wouldn't be an agreement to pee in or sit on the potty. I thought of preemptively telling him to not make a smart alec remark. It ran though my head how if I said that prior to any comment being made, I would then be my father. Who so frequently when I was a child, and a teenager, and to be honest up until when he passed away when I was an adult, would just tell me "Don't be a smart alec" just prior to when I was going to make a "smart alec" remark. At the same time, I was wondering what was about to come out of Obsidian's mouth. My dad admitted when I was an adult, sometimes he would just let me go because he was curious to what I was going to say. I decided I wanted to hear what he was about to say so I didn't cut him off.
"You take me to Grandpa's house and I will go potty there." A glint in his eye.
"You mean Grandma's house?" While my mom lives in the same house she did when my dad was alive, Obsidian doesn't think of it as "Grandpa's house". Pyrope and Obsidian are familiar with stories of both of their grandpas, but never met either of them.
"No. Grandpa. You take me see Grandpa, I go pee potty." Triumph in his eye as he marched away with his new diaper on. Briefly looking over his shoulder as I was still sitting on the floor contemplating the comment.
So while the thoughts of my dad having to deal with my "smart" comments in the flash before I knew I was going to have deal with a "smart" comment coming from my child, I couldn't help but think that my dad was watching, laughing in his deep belly laugh, and commenting how revenge is sweet. A child that takes after me. For the most part, my dad got the brunt of my "smart" remarks. It has already become clear, that Obsidian directs the majority of his "smart" remarks at me, not Jet. Jet gets some, but not nearly as much as I do, even when you consider how much more time I spend with Obsidian.
God give me the grace and strength that he gave my dad to deal with me. He knows I need it. (Yes, my mother was involved, very involved, but she never quite knew how to react to things like this. Plain flat out misbehavior she was fine with. Me with my comments that I shouldn't have said but were really appropriate, not so much. So that I always had to deal with my dad. His reactions were always "reasonable" to me, my mom would react so wildly different that it was fairly rare that I would make such comments to her, even by the time I was 4 or 5). The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
New Year
From the time I was a child, I always associated late summer, as in the end of August or early September with being a "new year". More so than January. Even in the intervening years that I was not in school or working in a school, I still thought of it as that way. Last year, with Pyrope starting preschool, I returned to that thought pattern in complete earnest. This year with him being in kindergarten, the feeling is back full force. And I've come to the conclusion, it most likely will remain so for the next 20 years or so. At which point I'll be in my 50's, and all but 8 years or so will have been marked by the beginning of school.
This year I've really been thinking about stuff. Material stuff. Mainly the fact I have too much of it. My kids have too much of it. Less is better. As I think about specific things, for the most part, I really come to the conclusion I don't need it. And in many cases I really don't want it or think it makes my life happier or better in any manner. Now to purge my belongings. And my kids. That will be the tougher part.
Relationships. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how I value them. Which ones I want to work harder on. Which ones I want to "maintain". Which ones I want to spend less time on. I've thought about the natural cycles where people and my relationship with them goes through.
My "professional" goals. My monetarily compensated job makes me set new "professional" (i.e. it relations to my job) goals. These are made each spring. This year, it has been decided that we have to look at them semi-annual. This took me by surprise as I was called into my boss' office. I was then asked what I was specifically doing to reach my goal. I've never been asked that either. Um, nothing. I was then told I have to do something to move towards my goal. Which I will because it is part of my job. But as I was thinking about this, I decided, I really don't care. My "professional" goal(s) at this point is to go to work, fulfill my job description, go home, and get paid. I don't care to advance. I don't particularly care to do anything different than what I'm doing. At this point of my life, I prefer to dedicate my time and energy to my "home" jobs.
This lead me to thinking about time, and how I spend it. I've decided I need to spend less time on the computer doing pointless things. I've decided I really don't understand people who spend a lot of time watching TV, or really even movies. I can't tell you the last time I watched a TV show. Other than sitting down and watching something with the boys, I can't even say the last movie I watched. And I don't miss it. I've decided I do need to spend more time doing cleaning/housework. I've come to the realization I spend a lot of time, and I mean a lot doing schoolwork with Pyrope and physical to build strength, endurance, balance, and vestibular skills with Obsidian. I've come to the conclusion that for the next number of years, these activities will be a major part of how I spend my time. I think about how much time I spend on dealing with health care issues. And that just makes me angry. Not physically dealing with, learning about, developing treatments for the issues (mainly mine and Obsidian's, but also Pyrope), but with health insurance carriers, doctor's offices, billing departments, pharmacies, human resources, exc. for getting the services/medications that are needed and the correct billing to the correct payor for each item. I see no end in sight for this use of my time. I wish I had more time to read. Overall, I've read more this year than I have since Pyrope was a baby, but I would still love to read more. I don't particularly have a list of books that I want to read, but I just love to read and wish I did it more.
My temper. As a child, it was very short. I consciously worked on it. Slowly over the past year, my temper has got out of check and I find myself yelling more. Just being aware of how much I yell, and verbally show my frustration, and show it in other ways, I've decided I need to reign in. I know that when I'm not flying off the handle as much, as a general rule, my stress levels go down as well. I'm not one for really bottling up until things blow up, but I do best if I stop and think before I act or speak. Particularly when I'm stressed, upset, or angry.
So here is to a new year. I'm hoping for a good one.
This year I've really been thinking about stuff. Material stuff. Mainly the fact I have too much of it. My kids have too much of it. Less is better. As I think about specific things, for the most part, I really come to the conclusion I don't need it. And in many cases I really don't want it or think it makes my life happier or better in any manner. Now to purge my belongings. And my kids. That will be the tougher part.
Relationships. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how I value them. Which ones I want to work harder on. Which ones I want to "maintain". Which ones I want to spend less time on. I've thought about the natural cycles where people and my relationship with them goes through.
My "professional" goals. My monetarily compensated job makes me set new "professional" (i.e. it relations to my job) goals. These are made each spring. This year, it has been decided that we have to look at them semi-annual. This took me by surprise as I was called into my boss' office. I was then asked what I was specifically doing to reach my goal. I've never been asked that either. Um, nothing. I was then told I have to do something to move towards my goal. Which I will because it is part of my job. But as I was thinking about this, I decided, I really don't care. My "professional" goal(s) at this point is to go to work, fulfill my job description, go home, and get paid. I don't care to advance. I don't particularly care to do anything different than what I'm doing. At this point of my life, I prefer to dedicate my time and energy to my "home" jobs.
This lead me to thinking about time, and how I spend it. I've decided I need to spend less time on the computer doing pointless things. I've decided I really don't understand people who spend a lot of time watching TV, or really even movies. I can't tell you the last time I watched a TV show. Other than sitting down and watching something with the boys, I can't even say the last movie I watched. And I don't miss it. I've decided I do need to spend more time doing cleaning/housework. I've come to the realization I spend a lot of time, and I mean a lot doing schoolwork with Pyrope and physical to build strength, endurance, balance, and vestibular skills with Obsidian. I've come to the conclusion that for the next number of years, these activities will be a major part of how I spend my time. I think about how much time I spend on dealing with health care issues. And that just makes me angry. Not physically dealing with, learning about, developing treatments for the issues (mainly mine and Obsidian's, but also Pyrope), but with health insurance carriers, doctor's offices, billing departments, pharmacies, human resources, exc. for getting the services/medications that are needed and the correct billing to the correct payor for each item. I see no end in sight for this use of my time. I wish I had more time to read. Overall, I've read more this year than I have since Pyrope was a baby, but I would still love to read more. I don't particularly have a list of books that I want to read, but I just love to read and wish I did it more.
My temper. As a child, it was very short. I consciously worked on it. Slowly over the past year, my temper has got out of check and I find myself yelling more. Just being aware of how much I yell, and verbally show my frustration, and show it in other ways, I've decided I need to reign in. I know that when I'm not flying off the handle as much, as a general rule, my stress levels go down as well. I'm not one for really bottling up until things blow up, but I do best if I stop and think before I act or speak. Particularly when I'm stressed, upset, or angry.
So here is to a new year. I'm hoping for a good one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)