I'm doing something I never thought I would do. I said I would never do. I still do not particularly want to do. I'm starting a business. Not only a business, a nonprofit business. That will have to have grants and fundraising as a significant source of its funding. So not something I did not have desire to do. The jump to do it is scaring me.
It all started 6 weeks ago or so. (You will have to stay with me for a while, as everyone doesn't quite get how this story is how I make the jump to start a business). I was considering resigning from an executive board position before our June board meeting, the first board meeting of the year. My best friend, who had been president the year before, convinced me to wait until the end of the meeting before turning in my letter or resignation. The meeting did not go well. My best friend and the current president were yelling, loudly, at each other. It was ugly. I did not resign that night as I knew my resignation would have been viewed as a consequence of the argument. It was not the reason, and I did not want it to be seen as the reason, and it would have furthered the problems that were really ignited by the fight. Later that week, my best friend resigned her one position. Then even later in the week, as a result of an uninvited, unwanted guest at Pyrope's birthday party, she more or less left the organization all together.
I have come to the conclusion, that at this point, I am committed to staying in the group, and serving in my executive board position that I had taken. It is not looking like it is going to be a smooth year. Or an easy one.
In my blog reading, I had read about a person who was abused as a child by a family member. I thought about the r@dKIDS program Pyrope had gone to, and how he needed a refresher class. (It is essentially an anti-violence, anti-bullying, gun safety, fire safety, empowering program for kids ages 3.5-12 years old. After a child takes it once, they are allowed to take it once a year, every year until their 12th birthday. It is one of the best programs, with the most research behind it, that is currently out there.)
At July's board meeting, we read our plan of action for each committee. These go in alphabetical order. Traditionally, each year, whoever chair's the committee for that year decides how exactly it is run. How active, or not active, and what specific activities it does. Not all committees are filled each year. This year we have a number of committees that are very important, and need to be filled, that are still empty. The plans of action are presented by the committee chairperson(s). You can change, or create, a plan of action at any point in the year at any general or board meeting (which is typically once a month). The first committee that is not filled was inconsequential. I think the first 4 years I was in the organization it was dormant. However, the president did it last year. It was 'her' committee. As president, she is not allowed to chair any committee. She had written a plan of action, and then handed it to the recording secretary to read/present. When it came up for discussion, I objected. IF a chair volunteers for it, it should then be that person's to do what they want (well, they can propose what they want, then it would be approved or not approved). I also brought up that there were other, more consequential committees that need to be filled. The President and I had a spirited discussion. Her voice was raised for much of it. I had conscientiously lowered my voice, to the point you had to stop and listen to hear me. Most of the other board members were silent. One other board member, in a negative to me way, said "Well are YOU going to take it Ruby? Do YOU want to do something different?" I said no, my executive board position and the additional position of putting out the monthly newsletter was all I can commit to. We took a vote, I was the only one who voted against passing the plan of action. But it was a quiet vote. The meeting moved on. We got father in the alphabet, and the committee that screens local preschoolers for vision problems came up. It did not have a chair either. No one else in our area provides this service. Each year, kids with vision problems, some of them quite serious, are identified because of this committee. There were women in the room whose children had been identified, when they had not a clue there was a problem before our screening. No one wants this to be a "lost" committee. The same scenario with a plan of action came up. It was read, I started with "I have the same issues with this as I did with the other". The discussion started again. This time, more people were involved. And more of our true problems were openly discussed. People had had time to think. People had listened to what I was saying. Eventually, someone else volunteered to take over the newsletter if I took over this committee. Deal. The President says, in relief, "So now we can vote on the Plan of Action. Well, if that is okay with Ruby?" in a very sarcastic voice, looking over at me. The implication that she could not imagine me saying no. I said "Actually, no." Silence. Every eye in the room on me. I can be stubborn. And want to make a point, even if it makes things harder on myself. This committee has probably had the exact same plan of action for years, easily at least the last 10 years. Change the year at the top, and the committee chairs (when they occasionally change), and print it out for that year. I looked around the room and said "I had thought before that if I were to do this committee, that I want to see r@dKIDS program run. I want to put that in my plan of action." Immediately the room started discussing this. Those that know the program, were saying how great of an idea that was. Those that did not were asking what the program was, then agreeing that they want to do it as well. The original plan of action was tabled.
So I start to look the next day in earnest for getting the program to come. It was complicated by the fact it was a holiday week. There are 3 instructors in the area. 1 flat out said he won't do it anymore because he can't make enough money doing it. 1 said she was not doing it anymore, but did not elaborate why. The 3rd, who was the one who did Pyrope's class, and was the most active, has yet to return my phone calls or email. All 3 of these people were doing I then made my fatal mistake. I looked into what it took to being an instructor. $450 and a 4 day course. All of the courses were literally over a 1,000 miles away. Except for one. And it is an easy 3.5 hour drive. In a city that I had lived in for 5 years, that I could easily stay on any number of couches for free for the week. Catch being, the course started in 13 days. My best friend and I talked about starting a nonprofit. Both of us believe in the program. She has always wanted to start a business. She has a background of law enforcement. She was going to be the one who initially got the certification. I was going to get it if it looked like we needed 2 certified instructors. I didn't get a hold of anyone to confirm if there was any space left until 6 days before it started. There was. My best friend backed out. She did not feel like her questions of why the other people had stopped instructing had been adequately answered. She was afraid we could not make it work. Or that it would not work. Or it would take a very long time to become established. That we did not have a specific time table that we would have a consistent source of funding, that our initial costs would be repaid, and that we don't have a specific time period that we will be an incorporated nonprofit. I understand, and I agree. However, at some point we need to leap and commit. The very few people I had floated the idea by all had the same response. Every single one said "Let me know if I can help you." So I jumped. I called back 2 hours after I found out that there was a spot. And I am off to training for 4 days. I have never been away from my kids except for overnight. A total of 2 nights from Obsidian, and a total of 6 from Pyrope (4 of which were due to me being hospitalized while pregnant with Obsidain, just gave birth to Obsidian, or when Obsidian was readmitted, which was all in a period of 9 days). I have not gone through a certification program since I was pregnant with Pyrope. And that was a simple 2 day one, one that I already had some experience in.
Not only am I becoming certified, in something I never dreamed I would, I am contacting and making meetings with people I know that have started successful nonprofits that are willing to help me. And putting out feelers of who is around, that has skills or resources I will need, that is willing to help. I have yet to have a person tell me no.
Yet, this jump is scaring me. I am not typically someone who makes a jump like this. My best friend is the one you would guess to do something like this. I do not want to start a business. Let alone start a nonprofit business. But at the end of the day, I feel God hand encouraging me to jump. I hear you, Lord. I have to put my faith in you, and those around me, that You will help me when I need it. For this is certainly not in my comfort zone. At the end of all of this, there remains one fact that keeps me moving forward. If there is 1 child that benefits from this, it will be worth it. There have been 100s of kids who have reported abuse after taking the class. Close to 80 children say this class helped them escape abduction, close to 40 of those cases were stranger abductions. So no matter how scared I am, I'm glad I'm making this jump.
