It had been 12 years since I went on a vacation with my mother. It had been about 8 years since she took a vacation with anyone. I love my mom. However, we are very different. We get along best when we don't live together, there is a good reason I moved out when I was 17 (I have gone back for 3 separate 3 month stints, as recently as 7 years ago). I was leery about the whole proposal of being with her for a week. I was more trepid when circumstances made it so we will be doing it again in a month.
It went well. Very well. Everyone had a good time. I would even say everyone had a great time.
I was going to plan activities and outings. I somewhat did. Well, I looked things up before we went. My kids and Mom did not leave the campground after we checked in. I did not leave after I did our grocery shopping for the week. Jet did not leave after he got there. We went to the beach, went on the boat, fished, played in the yard, and hung out at the house. That's it. Pyrope and Obsidian would get in the lake, then roll in the sand, then get back in the lake. Laughing hysterically. Then repeat. About 100 times. Pulling around a snow shovel pretending it was a boat was another endless source of entertainment. Mom, my best friend while she was visiting, and I worked on an adult puzzle. I love puzzles. However I have not done one since Pyrope has been mobile and into everything.
Mom went on early morning walks. She also spent time just being around my kids. She watches them when I'm at work or otherwise not at home as well as just visiting with them when I am around. However, she is always trying to entertain and interact with them. Not just observing them be. She play with them a lot but there were times she was doing their own thing and they were doing theirs. They were also clearly being parented by me. She corrected them if she absolutely had to, but I was the authority. Mom said she learned a lot about Obsidian. She had glimpses and heard stories of things he does with me but never really seen them first hand. She says she will be hearing "Pywope. Pywope! Pywope pay attention!!!" in her sleep. (Obsidian can't say his r's right now, so they sound like w's.) How strong his will is, and how his mouth gets him in trouble (or rather the lack of a filter between his brain and his mouth). The elaborate games, stories, buildings, and endless plans. She saw how drastic and negative the consequences are if I don't manage his physical needs. A slight misjudgement or miscalculation on my part of managing his sleep, food, temperature, hydration, and toileting can change him into a misbehaving child that is unpleasant to be around (in a complete different realm than his normal misbehavior). Other kids get cranky but Obsidian just spins out of control.
As I watched my kids, I was both amazed at how different some things were and how unchanged others were. I had to be more vigilant than normal to make sure Obsidian stayed physically in a good place. I enjoyed my kids more. Pyrope struggles with attention just as much on vacation as he does at home. I watched how much Pyrope can enjoy and see the simple things and get such pleasure out of them. Obsidian's ceaseless creativity.
I, in general, enjoyed Mom's company. I did not find myself annoyed and forcing myself to 'be nice and respectful' as I so often find myself having to do in her presence.
I decided that Jet and I are just fundamentally very different. I was happy, very happy hanging out at the beach or just playing or watching the kids, my mom, or being with our various visitors. Jet choose to stay at home for the first 3 days, would go out on his boat alone, never made it to the beach with us, and would watch TV by himself. For the most part, he would only interact with others if I would prompt or ask him to. Being by himself was his ideal vacation. Being with others is mine. I recently went on a short trip. I took the boys. Jet questioned me why I was just taking them, not trying to piece together different people to watch them so I could go alone (he had to work). I enjoyed having them with me. It would have been a different trip without them as they did slow us down. But slower is not bad, or worse. I would have worried about them while I was gone, if my plans of who could watch them at each time was working (As some of the people who watch them won't give Obsidian his shot, it complicates things. Jet was working 10 hour days, with the potential of working 12 hour days. Or if Pyrope would be able to handle the situation at least fairly.) I will have the chance to travel without small children again. Now is the time to experience the world through the lens of a child. Jet wants to experience the world on his terms, particularly on vacation. To me, Jet and my differing opinion of desired family size can go back to my vacation includes him and our kids (and others) and just being. His ideal vacation is doing what he wants, when he wants, without having to consider anyone else.
Stepping away from our 'normal' lives, we can learn. About ourselves and each other. We can develop our relationships more. Family vacations are something I just always thought of as fun as a small child, or a forced event as a sullen teenager, and now an important
