In the wind

For many women who are stay at home mom's, when their youngest child goes to full day school, is a time of change. And so it is with me. I'm not a person that is afraid of change. Most of the time I don't even avoid change. That said, change without knowing what direction I'm going I do not like. In the current case, I even have a date when the wheels are really going to be set in motion for this change.

Obsidian has his medical issues. On top of that, I know he has a learning disability. From my experience, I'm guessing this learning disability is pretty pronounced. Obsidian in so many ways is my karma. Knowing myself, and knowing Obsidian, it can go a couple of ways. His stubborn streak can be his biggest asset or his biggest roadblock. Last year, his preschool teacher and Obsidian just did not click. Neither of them 'got' the other. I don't even have an opinion of how good of a teacher she is, I was never able to get to that point. The most difficult part of this is that I'm putting the cart before the horse, contemplating how well he is going to do academically. Even making that statement, sounds ridiculous.

However, Obsidian does have medical issues. In a letter his pediatrician wrote to the schools, she said he was 'medically fragile'. It hurt to read those words. Cognitively, I know this statement is true. I manage his medical issue so well, that there are only little hiccups. There have been no hospitalizations, no 'major' events. What I do to manage his medical needs, is far more normal. I constantly monitor how much he is eating and drinking, how hot his environment is, how physically active he is being, and then manipulate the factors so he can function at his best. Last year, he had a lot of behavior problems from when he started school until about November. They virtually disappeared after that point, after Christmas break, the out of control behavior was completely gone. Well, it was gone until the weather started going about 70 degrees. Then the behaviors started again. I'm not talking normal 4 year old behavior, he has those too. The school district is not willing to say that school might be contributing to the behaviors. That going to school in the heat might be part of his problems. A higher up person said to me in a meeting, that it 'just might be my parenting' that are causing his behaviors. The behaviors that for the most part only happen when it is hot and he is going to school.

If his medical issues are not, there will be no chance that he can learn academically. Keeping in mind that there are plenty of academic issues as well. Unless the school can manage him medically, sending him to school is not an option. I've worked with him at academics at home. Homeschooling him will be a tough tough road. There are things Obsidian could really benefit from going to school. Only if he is cared for medically and his teacher realizes his potential and holds him accountable.

Last summer I took a certification class. I passed it, but I don't think it is where I'm going to go. I could start working more hours at my jobs. I could go back to school. I did go back full time winter semester.  I would have to decide my major, in a 'for sure' kind of way. Or the very really real possibility, I could be needed at home with Obsidian. His pediatrician asked me what my plans were for working come the fall. I already had thought about it and knew what my plan is for this fall. I will be staying at home. Waiting to see how school goes for fall, waiting to see if my 'job' continues to mainly be at home or if some of my energy will shift.