Sunday, May 1, 2011

Early lessons on empathy

Pyrope and Obsidian's friends (who are sisters) started playing with Squinkies.  They are stupid tiny soft rubber figures.  They are a fad toy.  Particularly Obsidian's friend loves playing with them.  As a consequence, Obsidian loves playing with them.  They are now coming out with boy themed sets.  Be still my heart.  The kids play all sort of pretend games with them.  Line them up.  Bounce them on my hardwood floor.  Count them.  See how many they can hold in their hand at a time.  All in all, they aren't a terrible fad toy.  A lot more merit to them than Silly Bandz.

After each reading lesson, Pyrope gets a sticker.  The stickers are in rows of 10 (in an effort to start introducing the concept of grouping).  After each row is completed, Pyrope gets a prize from his prize box (which are junky little toys that he loves to get).  It gives him some motivation for getting through the reading lesson.  The sticker chart also gives me a reason count with Pyrope.  He only has one-to-one correspondence to 11, occasionally 12.  Never 13.

So one day this last week, Pyrope was in the basement.  I was in the kitchen doing something.  Obsidian was kneeling in a chair at the kitchen table playing with their Squinkies.  He was lining them up.  He then started to go down the line and count them, several times.  15 (that was the number he had).  I started to discretely watch without him noticing as he was too involved.  No mistakes counting.  Consistently.  Pyrope even if he counts to 11, needs help not skipping or counting the same one twice.  Obsidian then started to make different lines and count how many were in each line, then how many there were all together.  Then make different lines and do it again.  He then started putting the Squinkies in groups.  Groups of 2, groups of 3, groups of 4.  Observing "Uh-oh" when he couldn't evenly make groups of 2 or 4, and clap and say "Yea!" when it worked out evenly for his groups of 3.  He then tried another group of 6, and he looked at it confused and just gathered all of them up in his dump truck and walked off.  Pyrope has never played with grouping much less made observations about the groups, and when I've tried to do it with him has pretty much gone right over his head.

It hit me.  Obsidian has passed Pyrope in math skills.  I had guessed this would happen.  I did not think it would be so soon.  Before Obsidian is 3.  Before anyone has tried to teach Obsidian any math skill or concept.  We haven't even worked on counting with Obsidian.  He just started doing it.  (After that first time, I've found Obsidian doing it with Squinkies again, and then I've seen him do it with cars, Cheerios. and various other objects.)

I began to wonder, when is Pyrope going to realize his little brother has passed him?  When is Obsidian going to realize?  I would bet that Obsidian will figure this out first.  How are they going to react to this?  I remember the first time my brother passed me with a skill.  It was spelling.  I was mad.  And hurt.  At him, and at myself.  I still remember the confused fury I felt with the situation.  However, I was older, much older (I'm talking maybe we were 9 and 7 years old).  I remember how he help it over my head that he was better than me.  That he could do things I couldn't.

I don't think that Pyrope will ever gain ground on Obsidian.  It takes Pyrope so long to get any math concept (as well as some other concepts), that I have to repeat over and over again what is being taught in school at home.  Which I'm guessing is how Obsidian started counting and playing with the basic math concepts that he experimenting with.now.  As Obsidian is always going to hear me teaching Pyrope these concepts, I have a hunch, he will just pick them up at the same time.  Only faster.

So how do I parent this one?  I know that I want Obsidian to treat Pyrope with respect.  There will be zero tolerance for teasing or belittling (as I would want him to not tease peers or anyone for not understanding something that he does).  But above that, I want, or hope, that Obsidian will have a level of compassion, or empathy, or patience with Pyrope as he is trying to learn what comes so naturally, easily, and quickly to Obsidian.  And I hope that this will carry over.  To let Pyrope know that it is okay that he doesn't learn these concepts as quickly.  It is okay to have have strong suits and weak suites.  Pyrope is by far better at riding bikes, ice skating, skateboarding, climbing, running, jumping, exc than Obsidian.  My guess is that he always will.

So patient empathy for Obsidian.  Acceptance for Pyrope.  And it is my hope that I can teach these lesson well.

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