Evolving changes

I took Pyrope and Obsidian to a playground that is awesome, but it is a bit of a drive so we don't go often.  We had not been there in 3 months.  We went with friends two girls (one is similar age to Pyrope, the other to Obsidian).  While I was there, I was struck by how much my kids have grown.  Pyrope was running around with his friend and needed just loose supervision.  They were playing some very involved role playing games and just running and climbing over everything.  Even a year ago at this park I was having to help Pyrope climb on some of the equipment.  He wasn't nearly as verbal.  And how he plays with friends has deepen.  Before it was more concrete play, this time they were happily inhabiting a complex world that they created.  Not that it was all love of course, there were the typical "I want to do this, not what you want to do." and "I want to do what you are doing so get off." 

Obsidian's changes were more dramatic and noticeable to everyone.  On the last trip, he couldn't climb on most of the equipment, even in the baby part.  This time he was pulling himself up, climbing down off, exploring, sliding, with minimal adult help.  He was actually running, something that has really started to come together in the last couple of weeks.  The last trip was notable for the tear of frustration followed by temper tantrums and meltdowns.  Obsidian was still the first kid exhausted, but he made it a lot longer than he did earlier this summer.  A lot longer.  I continue to be worried and frustrated with his gross motor skills, but seeing him play at the playground like this make me realize his is making gains.  Pretty significant gains.  Many people (doctors and therapists included) blame a lot of his gross motor delays on his size.  However, he is only 1/8 of an inch taller than our last trip (trust me, the child is measured often enough I know).  I don't think that 1/8" explains all of the things he can now do.  Maybe some, but I wouldn't even say the majority, and in some ways I suspect none.  He has come a long way in a relatively short amount of time.

Thinking about how little I had realized Pyrope had grown up and how Obsidian had been making leaps gross motor wise, I got to thinking about how many changes happen right in front of us without us realizing.  We are so close, that all of the tiny changes that happen don't really register until we are suddenly looking at it thinking "When did this happen?" or "How did I/we get here?"  By not missing a thing, I sometimes loose sight of what the current big picture is.  It has me thinking about changes in my marriage, in my relationships with friends, in my relationships with family, in my "work self", where am I?  Is it where I was?  Is it where I want to be?

Remembering Sept 11th

Each year as many other American's do, I find myself thinking about what September 11th means to mean and reflect on the time immediately surrounding it.  While many people remember watching and listening to the endless footage, that was not my thoughts drift to first.  With U2 songs being played as a soundtrack (mainly "Stuck in a Moment" and "The Hands that built America"), still shots run through my head.  The image of sitting in a continuing education class and looking up in shock and the shock on my coworkers faces as we realized what we were told was happening.  The look in my great aunt's face (who was suffering greatly from dementia at that point, she rarely if ever even knew my name at that point) when I told her what was happening and turned on the TV to watch the coverage.  The flags hanging from each house as I went on my evening walks, and the quite there was because no planes were flying (at the time I lived less than a mile from an international airport, under a flight path).  A picture of a little girl on her dad's shoulders waving a flag.  Finding a parking garage that overlooked the plaza that was having a rally so my aunt could watch, and how happy she was when a very nice mother and daughter gave us their flags and candles.  And my gratefulness for them doing that small act of kindness, my aunt was so sad and was having trouble moving past the point that I had forgot ours in the process of getting her out (at 94, taking her on an outing required more planning and work than taking Pyrope and Obsidian).  I still have one of those flags.  They are no different than a thousand of other small United States flags I've got over my lifetime, but that one is different. I remember going to DC afterward and seeing the still damaged Pentagon being repaired.  I remember talking to my dad (when I was eventually able to get through to him) and him telling me that this event would shape the background of my generation.  I find myself thinking, yes and no.  Yes, in many ways it has defined and shaped my generation.  And no, in some ways I think this recent "financial crisis" is going to be the defining and shaping event of my generation.

Above all else, I think of the lives lost because of Sept 11th.  Directly that day, the innocents that were in the Towers, the Pentagon, and on the planes.  The heroes that died trying to save others.  Those that have lost their lives in the quest to find Osama Ben Laden.  The lives lost in the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq (yes, I'm aware that particularly the Iraq war is not directly linked to Sept 11th, but my personal opinion is that we would not have gone into Iraq if it had not been for Sept 11th, and since this is my blog, I can say this).  I think about the hate and intolerance of extremist groups.  Not just Muslim groups towards Americans or Christians, but Christian groups towards Muslim or Jews or atheists.  Whites towards blacks.  It saddens me to think of the waste of lives and energy this costs.  I will remember with sadness what happened.  And I fight against it in the best way I know how, teaching my children tolerance and about other beliefs.

6-9

The weather has started getting cooler here.  So I got out pants for the boys.  The pants that fit Pyrope well in the spring are floods.  The ones that were long, barely fit for now.  They will be too short come Christmas time if not sooner I'm guessing.  No big surprise.  I then went to put on Obsidian's 6-9 months pants from the spring.  Hoping that they would be too small, not even being floods, but just too small.  I was day dreaming about having to get out the tubs of 12 month clothes (which I will have to anyhow because that is the size shirt he is wearing).  Um, no.  The 6-9 month pants fit well.  With more room to grow in than Pyrope has in the pants that were too big for in the spring.  I was so sad.  Obsidian has been making so many gains lately.  He is 20 lbs (and amazingly has never dipped below that point since reaching it, knock on wood).  He has started pedaling a bike (with some help, but at the beginning of the summer, he literally didn't have the ability to sit on it without falling off).  He has even taken a couple steps down stairs without holding on to anything (with someone right in front of him).  There have been a few times that he has walked down the stairs holding the rail without anyone around.  I thought, or I was hoping, that some corner had been turned and he was catching up.  All of the worries and concerns I've had would be memories.  A chapter in his and my life that I would look back on and think "Hmm, I wonder what was happening then" as a curiosity that had resolved itself and no longer needed my attention or concern.  At least for now, this chapter is still open.

Annual review and goals

Each year around my birthday, I make some goals for myself, and review my "bucket list" of what I have done, and anything I want to add to it.

The only thing I was able to check off this year on my bucket list was complete a triathlon.  I did it in 1 hour and 58 minutes.  Although I had no official goal other than completing it, I was hoping to be under 2 hours.  I did, barely.  There was only 1 person who finished after me.  I was surprisingly not that sore afterward.

 Also on my bucket list is to take a cake decorating class so I can decently finish my cakes.  I'm a decent to good baker.  I enjoy baking.  However when I go to frost my cakes, they come out less than great.  I have read some website and learned how to make and use fondant.  My cakes are looking much better, but I still would really like to take a class.  So progress was made, but I can't check this one off.

So looking ahead to this next year, what I would really like to work towards on my list is getting my SLR camera.  I would somewhat like to get this for living more time with diabetes than not.  Financially, it isn't so smart.  I'm not much of a coupon clipper/user.  I have been thinking of trying to do this more and anything I save by using coupons put in a fund for my camera.  My true goal on my bucket list is to take a photography class, but in many ways I would like to have my camera before taking the class so I can use it while in the class.  Maybe I could take the class next summer, I have more consistent baby sitters during the summer that I could get away for the class and do the homework.

Another item I have on my list is to keep a daily journal for a year.  While at least this point I'm not planning on posting daily, and a blog is not exactly a journal, it is closer to one than anything else.

Moving on to my general goals for this coming year:

My diabetes was a lot easier to control while I was training for the triathalon.  I told myself I was going to keep up on the running, but I haven't.  I really need to do this.  However, knowing me, I need to find another race and sign up for it.  I need a tangible immediate goal.  In high school I used to consistently run 5k's in the 22-23 minute range.  The 3 mile race I ran in June I did in 28:11.  So my goal is to run a 5k race at least once every 3 months, and be running it in the 26 minute range by next summer.

Get and keep my A1c in the 7's (Note: A1c is a 3 month measure of how well your diabetes is being controlled).  I know the official position of the ADA is now UNDER 7, in light of my hypoglycemia unawareness, for me 7's is a better goal.  When I get into the 6's, I have a LOT more lows, which are dangerous in themselves.

Along the same lines, I need to lose 30 lbs to get to my ideal body weight.  I haven't consistently weighed that amount since my freshman year of college (I did briefly weigh that amount during my first 18 months I was married, when I'm stressed I either over eat or under eat, and I was definitely doing the under eating for some time).  I know getting to that weight and maintaining it will help with both my exercise goal and my A1c goal. I'm not fond of low carb diets, but they are the ones that really work best for me on several levels.  I do a modified South Beach Diet.  The weight doesn't come off fast, but it does come off slowly and consistently, particularly if I am also regularly exercising.

Read 50 books.  Reading is a way I relax as well as learn things.  Since Obsidian has been born, I just haven't made the time to do this.  And I miss it.  Before Pyrope was born, I regularly read over 1,000 pages a week.  This past year I bet I barely topped 3,000 pages for the year.  This gets to be about 4-5 books a month.  I should be able to do this with minimal effort.

Read the kids 100 books they have never read before.  This would be 8-9 new books a month.  We go to the library typically once a week, I can easily get 2 different books each time, even just reading them there.  Pyrope in particular asks questions and wants details about so many different things, it would be good to help look at different subjects.  I'm sure I will read many books multiple times, and that is good for them.  I sometimes get into a rut though and never work to expand and explore different books.  This is laziness on my part.

So that is my year in review and looking ahead to the next.

Wordless Wednesday

Meanings of words

In recent years there has been a campaign to remove the "r word" from common American vernacular.  Most of the time the actual word (retarded if you are wondering) is not even used in the discussions.  I am completely against using it in a derogatory way, particularly when describing people (or situations) that are not "intellectually disabled" or "developmentally delayed" or "cognitively impaired" or whatever other phrase is now used to describe people who have below average intelligence.  Before retarded was the word to describe below average intelligence, the words "imbecile" and "idiot" were the official words.  So perhaps in a generation the "r word" will not be so closely thought of as people with low intelligence as that has not been how they are officially referred to as, but will it just be replaced by another word(s).  What the true problem is the disrespect and negative attitude some people have towards people with lower intelligence.

While it is not exactly the same, frequently my thoughts then turn to the "diabetic vs person with diabetes", "epileptic vs person with epilepsy", "obese vs a person of size", or "dwarf vs little person" debates.  Personally, I have no issue with being called diabetic.  I find it similar to being called a brunette.  No one would call me "a person with brown hair".  I'm called a "mother" not "a person who has children".  Yet I do know people who are very offended by being called "diabetic" instead of a person with diabetes.  Their argument is that they are not defined by their disease and take it very personally when they are called a diabetic.  My argument is that it is an adjective that describes me.  I don't want to have diabetes, but it is something that describes me.  And really even defines and shapes me.  While I don't let it rule what I do, it does effect what I do and how I do it and how I view the world.  Even though this is how I feel about the words, for the most part I use the politically correct terms (for many, many things I could care less about being PC).  Most of the time, I think there are a whole lot more important issues to talk about than these semantics.  It goes with one of my parenting and life philosophies "Is this worth making it an issue?"  And for this particular issue, my answer is "no".  I do enjoy getting into a healthy debate about it with people I can talk with rationally. 

So while I find the term "mental retardation" (used in the correct context) not offensive, I have been making an effort to not use the "r word".

The big 2-0

Obsidian finally hit the magical weight of 20 lbs*.  It took him 6 months, literally, to gain this last pound.  For a child who is 25.5 months old, 20 lbs is still not much.  He is the weight of your average 8 month old, and height of your average 17 month old.  The reality of it is, there is nothing special about 20 lbs in particular.  Since Jet and I believe in rear facing car seats as long as possible because it is the safest way to travel, Obsidian being 20 lbs doesn't mean anything in particular.  Even giving a larger dose of ibuprofen happens at 22 lbs.  Nor am I convinced that Obsidian won't dip below 20 lbs again, most of the time when he gains some weight, he then loses a little.  Also because of his 15q11.2 microdeletion, I worry about him suddenly becoming morbidly obese between the ages of 2-4.  So while I want him to gain weight (and height), I don't want him gaining weight too quickly at this point.  Then he will be looking at strict calorie restrictions and how to not develop an eating disorder because it will be the only way to prevent morbid obesity at a young age.  That would be such a cruel twist of fate.  I keep coming across doctors (from various disciplines) that want to try to get more calories in him.  Since he eats a lot, and I already use many strategies to maximize the calories that he does eat, the suggestion of an appetite stimulant comes up.  At this point I will give him whatever food he requests (within reason), but I just don't have a good feeling about giving him an appetite stimulant.  This is the child who can eat 3 slices of pizza and a chocolate milk, and then be asking for more food 2 hours later.


***Note: 20 lbs is 9 kg