This past weekend, my SIL and her two girls came for a long weekend (coming on Friday and leaving on Tuesday). I never look forward to the visits. I don't particularly enjoy her or her kids company. This time she managed to outdo herself.
My MIL has cancer. Stage III. It didn't respond to the first set of chemo drugs. The second set is taking its toll on her body, and has yet to show any real signs of helping with the cancer.
She is very hard to get gifts for. Very hard. She doesn't collect anything. She doesn't go out to eat. She doesn't go out much in general. She doesn't like gadgets or new things in general. She does love her grandchildren. And her children. She loves getting new pictures of her grandkids. Particularly when she gets new professional pictures of them, we hear about it for a long time.
So I thought to myself, while SIL is here, we will go and get family pictures. We being Jet, my kids, her and her kids (SIL husband was not coming, and frankly I don't think my MIL cares one way or the other about me. And it would look silly with me but not SIL husband). Jet told her the plan. The girls brought complimenting dresses. I got outfits for the boys (new ones, including shoes.... if I'm going to do something like this, I want to do it well). Once here, I bring up (again) about her being in the picture. She says she can't because she doesn't have any make-up. I offer to go and buy some. She says that would be silly. I say it would be silly to not get her picture taken for her mom. We continue to go back and forth. Her girls taking my side of the argument. Jet not commenting. SIL says to Jet at one point that she knows he really doesn't want to be in the picture so why isn't he arguing with me. He quietly observes that my reasoning for it is that their ma would love the pictures, and that there is no way he can come up with a reasonable counter argument to that. The argument continues the next morning. And at the studio. Finially, the moment comes it is now or never. I say to SIL, if your ma tells you she would really like you to do this, would you? She said yes, thinking that I had no way to do this. I pull out my cell phone and hand it to Jet to dial. He gets the evil eye from his sister. I glare. He looks at her, he looks at me. He dialed. I talk to my very confused MIL. She immediately said she would love a picture, make up or not, and kept questioning me why I would think that she would need/want SIL to have make up. I said I didn't, but to please tell SIL that she would like the picture taken. So SIL gets the phone, then begrudgingly gets in the picture. She was pouting for a lack of a better word in the pictures.
The rest of the weekend, she did things (I feel) to try to provoke or get even with me. Opening windows when the air conditioner was on. Not closing the door when she came inside/went outside (hello, air conditioning, mosquitoes!). Not showing up one night for dinner (or calling to let us know she wasn't coming). Whatever. Grow up. I refused to be provoked. I kept closing windows and doors. We waited a 1/2 hour from when we normally eat, then ate without them. Once again. Grow up.
So we drove up to visit my MIL. It is a 4 hour trip each way (well sometimes it is less, construction was heavy to put it mildly). We got there and pulled out the pictures for my MIL to choose what she wanted to keep (along with the ones I had framed). She was so excited. And confused. She didn't understand that I was talking about a professional picture. She commented that she never had a professional picture taken of the two of her kids but had always wanted one (I had planned on a picture of just the two of them, but with the torture of the one group shot, I was not up for further argument). She went around her apartment rearranging her picture several times to come up with the perfect arrangement. I'm sure it has been rearranged multiple times since then. All of her grandkids together in a professional picture (actually a couple different poses of all of them together, then each individually, then the siblings). And then the one with her kids in it as well. She then started to question me if SIL knew about this prior to her trip. I said yes. She then questioned me why SIL had not come prepared for it (meaning make up and a coordinating top, Jet choose a top to match the kids, he figured that he would be in the pictures). Or gone out and got the make up and/or top after she got here. I shrugged.
My MIL happiness over the pictures made it worth my trouble. I don't understand what made my SIL fight it. Or be so passive aggressive the rest of the trip. The pictures weren't about her. In all honesty, if she didn't like them or want to see them, then don't take any or give any out. Just give a copy to your mom. Grow up. It really was not any stretch of the imagination on my part that my MIL would love it. Why couldn't SIL just see it as a gift even if she didn't like it? Jet certainly does not enjoy taking family pictures but didn't say anything after I put out my reasoning. It gets down to: Grow up.
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