Peer Lessons

So far, GHT has given Obsidian more energy.  He naps less and he plays longer without resting.  This is a good thing but it is causing some issues.  Lessons that Pyrope learned gradually, Obsidian has not.  And now they must be learned.

I have always been very conscientious about socializing my kids.  I have purposely, regularly put them in various situations.  Where they are mainly with adults my age, where they are with adults my mom's age, where they are with "older" adults, where they are with grade school kids, kids their own age, and kids younger than they are.  Each of these situations there are different social rules that need to be followed.  The interactions are different.  In many ways, both of my kids have had the most difficulty learning how to appropriately play with children their own age.  With older people, you listen to what they say.  With kids younger, you can boss them around some, but you have to be gentle and let the "baby" get away with things that they themselves know they can not.  The interaction with peers is complicated.  In controlled situations (such as classes where you sit and wait your turn and do as the group does) are not that difficult either.  It is the one on one, small groups, and larger groups of peers  that are difficult, particularly when there are not adults/older kids interacting with the kids.  These type of situations are also the most difficult for me to consistently orchestrate.  But I have.

One place that I have found is "Preschool Gym".  Two times a week, a rec center has an "open gym" for kids under the age of 5.  There are mats, tumbleforms to climb over, balls, scooter boards, and parachutes laying in the room.  There is no formal "lead activities".  Kids are just left to play.  Sometimes parents are playing with the kids.  Sometimes the kids are just playing with the adults standing around the edges making sure that no one gets hurt.  Typically there are kids around my kids ages.  Disagreements regularly break out over who has what, how to play whatever they are doing, whose turn it is, exc.  The culture at this particular place is to let the kids try to work the minor stuff out on their own (which is a breath of fresh air for me).  At this point, Pyrope runs around with the "older" kids and they need very little intervention.  They talk things out, apologize to each other for accidents, and in general do their own thing.  Kids Obsidian's age, not so much.  There is many tears, along with yelling, kicking, punching, exc.  Up until this week, if Obsidian had an issue, he would cry, walk over to me, then have me hold him or literally sit on my feet for the remainder of the gym time.  Typically, he would only play the first 20 minutes or so, and the rest of the hour to 2 hours, he would be in my arms or only very briefly play with me with a lot of encouragement.  Not so anymore.  He played the whole hour we were there.  However, this lead him to standing and crying and yelling in the middle of the gym multiple times (and several times he would have hit another child had I not grabbed his arm first) when there was a disagreement.  Turn taking was infinitely hard.  It was hard for Pyrope, but he had some practice and experience at this point.  Obsidian, if he didn't get what he wanted right then, he just stopped playing altogether, and for the most part didn't rejoin in.  I wonder if time is just dulling my memory at how many times at this point I had to redirect Pyrope to play with something else while waiting for his turn, or asking to play together, or some other appropriate way to deal with the situation at Obsidian's age.  Gym time was trying.  I felt like I had this huge brat on my hands.  It only makes my resolve to keep going, if not try to go more so I can keep trying to teach Obsidian appropriate ways to interact with peers.  Because of his size, many times peers even without prompting of adults, give Obsidian his way because he is seen as a "baby".  Obsidian is used to this.  And likes this.  Before he tired so quickly, other kids didn't care, as he quickly stopped.  Not so much any more.

I'm glad he is starting to have these issues now, not when he is kindergarten.  But still, I'm not enjoying the amount of time I'm having to instruct him on acceptable behavior.

Before I had kids, I always said I was fine with having a child with a disability but I was not fine with having a disabled brat.  If anything, I would want a child of mine with a disability to have better manners.  As a student, I worked with a guy who said the most important skill we can teach a person with a disability is something that makes them lovable, more so than feeding themselves, dressing themselves, toileting, or anything else.  That if they were loved by their caregivers/peers/people around them in general, that those people would be much more attentive and willing to help, even if they needed to do more, if the person was "lovable" or had something that attracted them.  At first I didn't get it, but I thought about it.  And I looked at others.  And I thought some more.  Over a period of years, I decided there was a basic truth to this.  And that anyone, with a disability or not, is more likely to get helped by others if they are liked.  As I was thinking about how I could pass this on to my children, the two things I came up with were teaching them "good manners" and empathy.  These are not easy skills to teach, and mainly need to be taught through example and expectation.  Which goes back to my efforts in socializing.  And why I'll be at "Preschool Gym" as often as I possibly can in the near future.

Maddening

Today I got a call from my "health care coach".  I get one every month, or maybe it is 6 weeks.  I try to forget.  At any rate, if I talk to my "coach" at whatever the prescribed interval is, I get a significant discount on some of my diabetes medications (some I don't have to pay co-pays, some my cap is lifted, some both, which leaves the things that are not covered a whole lot easier to swallow).  Some of my "coaches" I've had through the various carriers I've been covered under I've liked more than others.  This one I don't like.  At all.  And I don't think she likes me.  However, until our coverage is changed again, she and I will be talking regularly.

She started with my goal is to get my A1c lower.  Yeah.  She then said that I need to work on not having so many highs and lows.  That would be spectacular.  The conversation quickly went downhill from there.  We only got to about lunchtime in my daily routine before she ended the painful conversation.  I know it will be continued at a later date.  I know I got labeled "non-complaint" or "argumentative" or some similar negative labels in my chart.  Her basic suggestions were that I do the same thing every day.  Eat the same (or similar) foods at the same time each day, at regular intervals.  That I should get up at the same time each day.  That I should have a similar activity level at the same time each day.  I don't do well on any of these things.  That is why I have a pump.  That is why I accept the negative parts of pumping.  I'm not going to get up at 5 am every morning because on the mornings I work this is what time I have to wake up.  I have not the faintest idea how I would keep my activity level the same on a day to day basis.  I have a physically demanding job, and some days it is much more physically demanding than others.  On days that Pyrope has preschool and the weather is nice enough (and really this means that it isn't freezing cold, raining hard, icy, or really windy) I ride my bike 3 miles round trip to drop him off, then 3 miles round trip to pick him up.  On the nights that Jet gets home at a reasonable time, I try to go run a 5k.  Twice a week I take the kids swimming by myself.  Then throw in the Parent & Tot classes of anything from gymnastics to ice skating (depending on current age, interest, and schedule), outings, and random hikes and bike rides, it is rare that I do things the same two DAYS in a row, let alone every day.  And how do I account for the general increase/decrease my body needs of insulin depending if I'm pre/post ovulation?  I know some people that are creatures of habit, they do close to the same thing every day.  The do close to the same thing every day at work.  In some ways it would serve me well to be more of a creature of habit, but I'm not.  I tried for a while, and I was a miserable person who still wasn't great at following the same patterns.   If I didn't have diabetes, doctor's wouldn't care much about this.  But since I do, many doctors and medical professionals put all kinds of negative labels on me.  I'm not a pancreas.  I do my best to think and function like one, but I'm not great at it.  It is maddening to talk in these circles.  Sometimes I think maybe I should "listen" to them and try to be more scheduled.  And then I think, no.  I don't know how to live my life, or if I really could have the life I have now if I had one schedule I had to follow day in and day out.  I couldn't have the current mainly SAHM but work when I need to lifestyle.  I couldn't ride my bike randomly with my kids (where I live it is not an option to do it year round).  I would have to give up running or find a sitter for my kids.  I would have to find a job in a different area of my profession.  I would need my ovaries removed.  For all of the problems I have with my life, I really do like it, and I don't want those types of drastic changes.  So I think I will for the time being continue with the game of talking and disagreeing with my "coach".  Or maybe I'll switch strategies and agree with what she says/suggests, then completely ignore what she said.  The latter being the path of least resistance if I can manage to stomach it.