So far, GHT has given Obsidian more energy. He naps less and he plays longer without resting. This is a good thing but it is causing some issues. Lessons that Pyrope learned gradually, Obsidian has not. And now they must be learned.
I have always been very conscientious about socializing my kids. I have purposely, regularly put them in various situations. Where they are mainly with adults my age, where they are with adults my mom's age, where they are with "older" adults, where they are with grade school kids, kids their own age, and kids younger than they are. Each of these situations there are different social rules that need to be followed. The interactions are different. In many ways, both of my kids have had the most difficulty learning how to appropriately play with children their own age. With older people, you listen to what they say. With kids younger, you can boss them around some, but you have to be gentle and let the "baby" get away with things that they themselves know they can not. The interaction with peers is complicated. In controlled situations (such as classes where you sit and wait your turn and do as the group does) are not that difficult either. It is the one on one, small groups, and larger groups of peers that are difficult, particularly when there are not adults/older kids interacting with the kids. These type of situations are also the most difficult for me to consistently orchestrate. But I have.
One place that I have found is "Preschool Gym". Two times a week, a rec center has an "open gym" for kids under the age of 5. There are mats, tumbleforms to climb over, balls, scooter boards, and parachutes laying in the room. There is no formal "lead activities". Kids are just left to play. Sometimes parents are playing with the kids. Sometimes the kids are just playing with the adults standing around the edges making sure that no one gets hurt. Typically there are kids around my kids ages. Disagreements regularly break out over who has what, how to play whatever they are doing, whose turn it is, exc. The culture at this particular place is to let the kids try to work the minor stuff out on their own (which is a breath of fresh air for me). At this point, Pyrope runs around with the "older" kids and they need very little intervention. They talk things out, apologize to each other for accidents, and in general do their own thing. Kids Obsidian's age, not so much. There is many tears, along with yelling, kicking, punching, exc. Up until this week, if Obsidian had an issue, he would cry, walk over to me, then have me hold him or literally sit on my feet for the remainder of the gym time. Typically, he would only play the first 20 minutes or so, and the rest of the hour to 2 hours, he would be in my arms or only very briefly play with me with a lot of encouragement. Not so anymore. He played the whole hour we were there. However, this lead him to standing and crying and yelling in the middle of the gym multiple times (and several times he would have hit another child had I not grabbed his arm first) when there was a disagreement. Turn taking was infinitely hard. It was hard for Pyrope, but he had some practice and experience at this point. Obsidian, if he didn't get what he wanted right then, he just stopped playing altogether, and for the most part didn't rejoin in. I wonder if time is just dulling my memory at how many times at this point I had to redirect Pyrope to play with something else while waiting for his turn, or asking to play together, or some other appropriate way to deal with the situation at Obsidian's age. Gym time was trying. I felt like I had this huge brat on my hands. It only makes my resolve to keep going, if not try to go more so I can keep trying to teach Obsidian appropriate ways to interact with peers. Because of his size, many times peers even without prompting of adults, give Obsidian his way because he is seen as a "baby". Obsidian is used to this. And likes this. Before he tired so quickly, other kids didn't care, as he quickly stopped. Not so much any more.
I'm glad he is starting to have these issues now, not when he is kindergarten. But still, I'm not enjoying the amount of time I'm having to instruct him on acceptable behavior.
Before I had kids, I always said I was fine with having a child with a disability but I was not fine with having a disabled brat. If anything, I would want a child of mine with a disability to have better manners. As a student, I worked with a guy who said the most important skill we can teach a person with a disability is something that makes them lovable, more so than feeding themselves, dressing themselves, toileting, or anything else. That if they were loved by their caregivers/peers/people around them in general, that those people would be much more attentive and willing to help, even if they needed to do more, if the person was "lovable" or had something that attracted them. At first I didn't get it, but I thought about it. And I looked at others. And I thought some more. Over a period of years, I decided there was a basic truth to this. And that anyone, with a disability or not, is more likely to get helped by others if they are liked. As I was thinking about how I could pass this on to my children, the two things I came up with were teaching them "good manners" and empathy. These are not easy skills to teach, and mainly need to be taught through example and expectation. Which goes back to my efforts in socializing. And why I'll be at "Preschool Gym" as often as I possibly can in the near future.
No comments:
Post a Comment