Wishing

 In May 2009, I flew to southern Florida by myself with the boys.  I rented a car (which turned into being a minivan), and took my kids to see my dad's best friend from childhood and his wife (who is my godmother).  Jet joined us later on when we drove up to see his family.  These are not people I know well, mainly because we live over 1,000 miles away.  My dad's best friend had cancer.  I wanted for him and my godmother to have a chance to see my boys, or rather my dad's grandsons.

In the two days we visited, most of their grandchildren came over, 5 of their grandsons to be specific.  Some of them are older (tweens and early teens) and two were exactly my boys age.  At one point, the adults were sitting on the deck, and all of the kids were playing in the pool.  They were having a grand time.  I missed my dad sharply at that point, as I know how much it would have meant to him to see it.  And I silently raged that they didn't have the health to be in the pool with the boys, for at least part of the time.  Even at that point, my dad's best friend didn't have the energy to do much, and what he did was spent interacting and doing what he could with the grandchildren.  Much as my dad's decline was spent.  I was also grateful that I decided to make the trip.  It was needed.  My godmother asked me in quiet moments how my mom was adjusting to be a widow.  There was more to than concern for my mom.  Almost trying to glean a glimpse into her future.

On Saturday, he passed away.  I didn't find out until late Sunday night.  It deeply saddened me.  Much more so than some else that I causally know would cause.  He passed away at home quietly and peacefully, surrounded by his family.  Very similar to how my dad passed.

I had been thinking of going back, for another visit.  Initially I thought I was too late.  But maybe I'm not really.  As my godmother and I and the other adults that would be around would be able to remember, and watch.