I am a person who likes a challenge. If I can not do something on the first try, or the fifth try, it doesn't stop me. I don't mind hard work. I like it. I like a challenge. Obsidian is very similar to me in that way.
Then there is Pyrope. And Jet. And the family culture that Jet grew up in. If it is hard, they don't like it. A significant amount of the time, they don't try or work to improve their abilities. I remember giving my niece an "I Spy" book. I was asked if I could return it and get a different book by my SIL (my niece didn't even realize what it was at that point) because "Those books are so hard, I can't do them. I don't even want to try to help her." Growing up, if something was hard, all it really meant was our parents expected, or rather demanded, we try harder to gain more skills in that area.
The first time I really did battle with Pyrope over his lack of trying for doing something that was difficult was riding his two wheeler last spring. I had been aware that he did not like, and really actively avoided, trying to do anything that was difficult for him to do. He was ready to learn how to ride a two wheeler. He had the basic skills. However, when I tried to teach him, he started crying and saying it was hard and that he just would ride his tricycle because it was easy. He sat on the grass and refused to try. I then took away his tricycle. In protest, he would ride his bike 4-5 feet and then just stop pedaling and put his feet on the ground (he rarely fell, I could probably count the times he hit the ground when he was learning how to ride). And then cry it was harder than a tricycle so he didn't want to try. I would give him a specific distance he had to try, and if he was not trying, we would repeat that distance until he tried the whole time. Within 3 days, he was riding his bike with only a push to start. In a week, he was riding on his own. Pyrope was over the top happy and proud of this. Not to mention he loves to ride a bike. You can do a lot more on a bike than you can on a tricycle. During the first couple days of Pyrope and my battle, Jet was of the opinion to just let him ride the tricycle. For me, it wasn't the skill itself, but the idea of just taking the easy way out.
Recently, Pyrope started to show a real interest, and has the basic prerequisite skills, to learning how to read. So I started to use a program to teach him about a month ago. This program is a fairly well researched and developed program that has 100 lessons that build on each other. Theoretically, this program has long term positive effects on reading and academic performance.
It is going well, and it is going terribly.
It is going well in regards to Pyrope's progress. He is learning a lot, the difference is very noticeable to those who are around him. My mom and Jet are the ones who seem to notice it the most. I don't notice it as much as I am the one doing the teaching, so I see the progress in such small increments, it is hard to see how far he has come in the last month. He is so excited about reading on his own. It is now a routine occurrence to find him in a room by himself trying to read a book. He never did that before. He liked reading before, but never showed an interest in doing it for himself. Even to get him to look at a book without you reading it was hard. Now, he does it all of the time, all day long.
It is going terribly in the sense that each time we get to the current difficult task he cries. (Which the difficult task of even a week ago is now easy, but as one thing gets easy, the next step is added. By the point the task is very easy it is dropped.) When I say he cries, he would say he "cries and cries and cries", that is probably a more accurate description. He starts with telling me it is hard so he doesn't want to do it. Then he tries to tell me that I'm hurting his feelings so we should stop. Then he goes back to crying. Then he tells me he is mad at me and that I'm not his friend (my reply is no, I'm your mother). I sit with him until he stops crying and tries. And we practice until he completes the task. At some point, usually a day or two into the new task, he has an "Ah ha!" moment. Something clicks, and he "gets" the task. The pride, joy, and excitement he has each time is amazing to watch. The new skill is then shown to Daddy, Grandma, and whoever else captures his whimsy to tell in the next day or two. We might even get through a lesson or two with no tears.
Still, I know that if not in today's reading lesson, then tomorrow or the next day's, he will be crying and begging to not try, because it is "hard" and "hurts his feelings". All I have are my words that not everything in life is easy, that we need to try to do hard things, that there are great benefits to learning how to read, how happy and proud he is when he learns something new, and ultimately, it is not his choice to quit. He can choose to sit and cry about it, but he will be not playing and doing things he wants to do until he does his lesson for the day.
Jet's view of this is interesting. In the beginning, he was somewhat leery of this whole exercise. Pyrope is not old enough that we are required to teach him this skill (or for him to be hopefully taught it in school). Pyrope is not one to like a challenge. On the other hand, even a few days into it, Jet saw the pride and joy that the new skills were giving Pyrope. And an air of confidence that really has spilled over into other areas. He is now of the philosophy I should continue with the lessons and that I should preserve with the lessons because in addition to teaching him reading skills, it is working on instilling the value and merits of trying to do something that is difficult. But Jet says he could never teach Pyrope. As it would be too hard.
No comments:
Post a Comment